Long time no blog. It might be a while too before there is any more. I am signed off work with stress and the chances of me writing anything funny are as good as Baldrick getting a first at Oxford and winning the boat race single handed. Those of you who tune in regularly will know none of the back issue have been funny anyway - oops I forgot I have no following only accidental browsers. This downbeat blog is a full stop on here, or certainly a comma.

There will be some new people looking because I only recently learned how to add my email contacts into a circle.

I have been trying to improve my French recently but I am bad at oral and practical. Things I think got lost in transalation. I am lost too now, in thoughts and feelings.

Anyway, now that you are all reaching for a bottle of pills, you can always buy the books where my humour shines through. A colleague reading Trouble Cross told me he let out a laugh on the train and everyone looked at him. That must be a good sign.

Incidentally, as a test I put Trouble Cross on a free offer for two days and had 108 downloads. As an experiment though it was about as good as my French because there have been no sales since or of my other book Rewind.

Time to go.

As a Mork of respect for those people who tell me I look like Robin Williams:

Nanu nanu.

Or as they say in France:

J'espère très sincèrement que c'est au revoir et non adieu

FREE WISHES

READ ALL ABOUT IT!

I have bowed to public non-demand and initiated a free promotion. One of my novels - Trouble Cross - is going to be available to download at nil pence on Friday 2nd August and Saturday 3rd August. What more can you wish for?

All I ask in return is that you spread the word - after the free promotion is over, of course - and a nice review on Amazon if you are so inclined.

For those of you interested, the print versions have taken a step further with the publisher now in possession of the full manuscripts.

In other news, animal lovers have been asking for consideration for our furry friends. In this weather the last thing you want to be is a little otter.

MEDIUM TIME NO BLOG

Well, I was getting fed up of saying buy my books all the time.

Anyway, there is now the real possibility that I might get them in print. A colleague pointed me in the direction of a publisher who published his friends book. I emailed them and told them to check out my books on Amazon and they quickly emailed back to say they had and could I send them a submission. Now any writer who has tried to sell a manuscript knows the hard slog trying to get a literary agent interested and now I had a bite from an actual publisher. I sent of the regulatory 3 chapters and synopsis on both books and now they have asked to see the full manuscripts.

But let's not count chickens before the rooster has seen the hen. Fingers crossed though.

In other news.....er no, sorry, there is no other news. Roll on football season.

For those of you with absolutely no interest in my battles with the Express Sunday puzzle page I smashed the 30% barrier today - 26% i.e 33 minutes to do 4 puzzles with a combined target of 128 minutes. Just wish I had some challengers.

Now as more than one person in the office think I look like Robin Williams - whether they mean Mork or Mrs Doubtfire I am not sure - I will sign off in his customary fashion.

Nanu nanu.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!

One sale this week - which makes a total of one in June. Still, I have now sent both manuscripts to a proper publisher for consideration as printed books.

In addition, I found this website where they give you a free review of your book in 10-12 weeks so I sent both off. It is time to know the truth. Can I actually write? Anything less than 4 or 5 stars and it is a bit of a failure so we will wait and see.

Of course, there is nothing to stop anyone having stumbled on here buying one now.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/REWIND-ebook/dp/B00ANX65M6/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371388541&sr=1-1&keywords=david+wardle

SMALL PRINT

Not been on here for a while. Last week was a bad week. I got sacked by my publisher by a stinking email. This means the print versions are out of the window. Or does it? I was pointed in the direction of proper book publisher that may be interested. They were enough so to ask me for a submission, so fingers crossed that both books might get a proper publication and book launch.

TURNING BACK TIME

How many people have wished they could go back and start again? Millions I would guess. I certainly did and still do.

That was my inspiration for writing "Rewind". It was easy to determine that the only way one could have things turn out differently if one went back with the knowledge that this was a second chance. That's what my main character does. He doesn't know why or whether he is mad or dead.

Back in 1971, in his 8 year old body and with 40 years knowledge. How could he fail to vastly improve his lot. It is not as easy as you think.

I started off with a bit of my own childhood because I wanted to rewrite my own life and see how it owuld turn out. I soon realised this would not work. If you 8 year old woke up and said he had come back from the future a straitjacket would soon follow. If you think that going back with knowledge brings happiness and riches you are in for a disappointment.

Intrigued? If so, follow one of the links in earlier posts.

BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT?

I have always wanted to be a full time author. Of course, that statement is relative. I didn't want to be an author as a kid for instance. In fact the only time I ever professed an ambition to do any particular job was at 11 when I wanted to be a footballer. The fact that none of the family were into sport and because of that I only started playing the game at 10, there was no way that was going to happen.

No, I mean from about 17 or 18, having been working a couple of years in insurance and looking for something better. The fact that I am still in insurance ?? years later is perhaps some indication of my prowess in the writing arena, or perhaps not. It may all have been so different if my first attempt had taken off. I was only 18 and my presentation sucked, so much so that I don't think any of the publishers I sent the messy manuscript too ever read it.

Over the years I have written 3 novels, all whilst working full time,and I still don't know if I'm any good. My first book was eventually published but by a vanity publisher - which I didn't understand about at the time - so no surprise it only sold 72 copies. My other two books have been available as e-books on Kindle since December - as anyone unfortunate enough to have stumbled on this blog more than once will know.

The thing is everyone and his dog is writing a book these days and even though, after strong hints from some people, my books are now priced at 97p each, sales are still way behind my first book. Now, apparently Amazon cannot let me know the number of hits compared to the number of sales, which would at least give me some feedback on how many potential readers looked but didn't like. My own research would seem to indicate that any search on genre would not bring up my books as they are so far down the rankings.

Word of mouth seems to be the best method of spreading the word but when you have the social circle of an Ebenezer Scrooge / Baldrick hybrid that is not easy either. This blog then is the only way of getting me out there.

YOUR MISSION IF YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT IS TO FOLLOW THE LINK AND HAVE A LOOK AT THE BOOKS. (see previous blogs for link.)

You don't need to buy - but where else can you get a good laugh for 97p - just post a comment on why you didn't.

For anyone with a competitive nature though you could take part in Project 200. I get no cheque until I have earned £100. Currently I am at £34 so at 0.33p per book I need another 200 sales before I need to bother the tax man.

There are allegedly some Kindle Millionaires out there but I don't know how they did it. There must be millions more like me who wait in vain to be discovered. Britain undoubtably has writing talent - I am not counting myself among them - and wouldn't it be nice if there was a show where someone could be discovered. If only I was a singer or dancer.

If there is anyone who visits this blog voluntarily I would be pleased to know what makes you come back for more punishment.

PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING!
As I am off work for a week with nowhere to go I feel obligated to make a daily entry here. 
(That might just be an idle threat though. We all get idle sometimes.)