THE END IS NIGH!
Who or what for I hear you ask?
The blog?
No
Rosemary, the telephone operator?
No
Moysie, the mild mannered manager?
Could be?
Phooey! A little Mata of a new signing will keep things phutting along unnicely for a while.
No, in fact it could be this blog but definitely "Trouble Cross" at 97p.
I have finally taken the plunge again and signed a contract with Austin Macauley to publish this book in printed form. Part of this will mean a new e-book version so the existing one on Amazon will have to be unpublished. The pricing is then out of my hands. It is going to cost me more money to do this but it is time to take a bigger risk I feel. At least one of the stories I laboured 4 years of my spare time on will be a proper book - only 14 years after I finished it.
Yes, it could also be the end of this blog. Shush. I can hear the cheers from here. Yet just like I hope TC will rise from the ashes so might a new improved version. Our computer guy at work - Jedi Smith - has the power to create me a website which will attract more traffic. I am seriously thinking about this to increase my infamy, although I have trouble trying (and failing) to keep up an entertaining blog, let alone a website.
There was a little upturn in sales this week. One sale of each book sent me up the ratings from nearly 400,000 to 60,000. A pity no more followed or I could have got up higher and maybe get noticed in the Amazon search lists. I wonder what effect it would have if there were 10 quick sales. I know let's experiment. I need a few volunteers from the audience. OK? Right. You there, and you, and you up there in my home town of Manchester. Get your fingers ready and click on one of the links now.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/TROUBLE-CROSS-David-A-Wardle-ebook/dp/B00ANXF5CC
http://www.amazon.co.uk/REWIND-DAVID-A-WARDLE-ebook/dp/B00ANX65M6
Now, that wasn't so bad was it. Not bad for less than a GBP. If there are any results I will trumpet them next week.
In other news, a new type of bird was discovered this week that only east curry - a Kormarant.
Make em laugh. That is what Donald O'Connor sang in "Singing In the Rain" and that's what my books endeavour to do. And if not, well, everyone likes a trier. Don't they?
Nanu nanu.
(Trade Descriptions Disclaimer - there is a typo in the title to this blog. In no way can this blog nor the two books it strives to promote be termed "hot". In my defence "h" and "n" are quite close on the keyboard.)
Sunday, 26 January 2014
Sunday, 12 January 2014
UNDER PRESSSURE! (ADVENTURES IN AMBULANCING)
What a bloody week!
I get reflective at New Year as I guess many people do. Agonising over the past year and wondering what juggernaut is coming to mow you down in the next. Little did I know that 2014 was going to be a red letter year. Blood red.
On New Year's Day I had a nosebleed. Nothing new in that. Like headaches, I have them occasionally. I am one stressed oddball. It was about 9pm just as "Sherlock" was starting, which was inconvenient because it was necessary to have all one's wits to follow his resurrection, yet I was concentrating on stemming a red tide. It wasn't that bad though, just a few minutes.
Next day it was back to work after 12 days away. I had another one and this was more inconvenient. I was in the toilets, becubicled, with my trousers around my ankles when it started. Yes, there was lots of toilet roll available but I had trouble pulling my trousers up with one hand so I could get out to the sinks. Again though, a normal few minute one.
Enter Friday 3rd January. About 3.30 pm I sneezed and spattered blood all over the partition screen of my desk. I was slower to the toilet than Usian Bolt but not much. Bending over the sink, bloodied paper towels all around and a solicitous "Are you alright" from visitors to the men's room. Word soon got around and after about 30 minutes the ladies decided to storm the gentlemen's bastion. Or rather the first-aid lady did. Ice was tried but didn't work either. Send for the ambulance!
When they got there Niagara was still flowing but the paras had some efficient plugs, until one fell out when they were getting me into this wheeled chair contraption. I think it had stopped by the time we were down in the ambulance. I can tell you it is embarrassing to have to go to hospital in one just for a nosebleed, not least because they wanted to know my age which was a closely guarded secret which even Indiana Jones wouldn't discover.
My blood pressure was high - I saw 165 on the monitor but they didn't tell me the readings - but my ECG was OK. (I like to think I am a guy with a good heart anyway.)
At the hospital it was, of course, all stop. Triage was within an hour I think but I didn't see a doctor until over 4 hours after the nosebleed started. There was nothing to do. They took my BP again and cauterised my nose, although I am certain it was the wrong nostril. I tried to say so but was told that they could see where the bleed was from.
So armed with a letter to my GP I had to get back to London Bridge station by what I think turned out to be an illegal taxi. Certainly there were no markings on it but it had responded to a call from another taxi I had approached but which was already booked.
End of story? Oh no. At noon the next day I had another so I rang NHS Direct which is an experience in itself. I am holding my nose over the sink with tissue stuffed up my nose and being asked twenty questions by someone who couldn't understand what I was saying. I could feel my BP getting higher. By far the most genius question was "Do you think the amount of blood you have lost would fill an average size mug?". How the hell do I know. I am pinching my nostrils to stop the blood coming out.
Anyway, they arrange for an outpatient's appointment for me at my local hospital. I was surprised to say the least it being a Saturday. The appointment was a couple of hours away though, or it was, but when I got there they were 90 minutes behind so I had to go home and come back. That doctor didn't take my BP I don't think but prescribed some cream to put up my nose. Rushing to the chemist before it closed was not conducive to lowering my BP and then the chemist could only fill half the prescription.
Now we get to some medical conflict. At the hospital on the Friday I was given a leaflet advising what to do in nosebleed situations. Head forward and pinching I knew. Do not pick the nose or put anything up it was common sense. No hot drinks for 24 hours was a shock - more later.
Friday - don't put anything up your nose. Saturday - put this cream up your nose twice a day. Let the prevailing advice prevail. I put the stuff up my nose. At 11 pm I had another nosebleed. This time NHS direct got a doctor to ring me back although by that time it had stopped. Once she had the full picture she told me not to by shy of ringing the hospital if one went over 20 or 30 minutes.
Sunday. I was due to go out to get a new microwave has mine had waved microing goodbye. Just as I was about to leave I got another one. this just lasted about 30 minutes so I just left it. Then at 10pm I had another. hen it got to 35 minutes I dialled 999 for the first time in my life. The operator had to refer my request before I was told one had been dispatched. By the time the para got there it had stopped so he just took my BP and made some notes. He advised me that unless it was actually gushing out I could wait up to an hour for it to stop next time. He had never heard of the cream I had been told to snort.
I made it to Monday with no more mishaps. I needed to get into my GP but to try and get through on the phone first thing on a Monday was as easy as Baldrick getting a first at Oxford and Cambridge at the same time. I knew what I had to do. The surgery opens at 8 am and you had to be first in the queue. I took a chance on walking it, hoping the cold would prevent another bleed. I got there at 7.40 am and was first but only just as a car pulled up in front of the surgery as I got there. By the time it opened there were about ten people behind me.
I had a book with me to while away the long wait but fortunately I got an 8.30 am slot. The doctor took my BP - which was still high - and read the letter. He put me down for blood tests and also a 24 hour BP monitoring. Eager to get this sorted I informed him of my Axa PPP status but he said we were still in the general practice area. Also, he knew about the nose cream and told me to use it and he also agreed an hour could be waited before seeking medical help.
NOTHING UP THE NOSE. CREAM UP THE NOSE. 20 MINUTES. 30 MINUTES. 60 MINUTES.
Do you want 50/50, ask the audience or phone a friend?
Fortunately, I have had no bleeds since then, touch wood - he said patting himself on the head. The blood tests were done this Friday, a week after the initial eruption, and the BP monitoring is not until 29th January.
The thing is so I am told, is that high BP does not create a nosebleed but it makes it worse because of the higher pressure. Therefore it is not the nosebleed per se that is being investigated but the BP. Now, in August 2013 I was off work with stress but conversely my BP was OK. In December after a nose infection it was higher around 140 and the doctor told me to go back in a month for a check-up. Two weeks later it was 163 / 165 and the highest 178 over 105 to 110. I struggle to understand what happened since August to make my blood boil so. Yet I am told it can be accumulative rather than one thing.
So the two cuplrits could be Manchester United foe their abject performances that leave me climbing the walls and YOU!. Metaphorically speaking that is. "YOU" meaning my non adoring public, staying away in droves from buying my very cheap books which I sweated blood on.
The year has only just started and I am already under pressure. And it could get worse. England may not win the World Cup.
I get reflective at New Year as I guess many people do. Agonising over the past year and wondering what juggernaut is coming to mow you down in the next. Little did I know that 2014 was going to be a red letter year. Blood red.
On New Year's Day I had a nosebleed. Nothing new in that. Like headaches, I have them occasionally. I am one stressed oddball. It was about 9pm just as "Sherlock" was starting, which was inconvenient because it was necessary to have all one's wits to follow his resurrection, yet I was concentrating on stemming a red tide. It wasn't that bad though, just a few minutes.
Next day it was back to work after 12 days away. I had another one and this was more inconvenient. I was in the toilets, becubicled, with my trousers around my ankles when it started. Yes, there was lots of toilet roll available but I had trouble pulling my trousers up with one hand so I could get out to the sinks. Again though, a normal few minute one.
Enter Friday 3rd January. About 3.30 pm I sneezed and spattered blood all over the partition screen of my desk. I was slower to the toilet than Usian Bolt but not much. Bending over the sink, bloodied paper towels all around and a solicitous "Are you alright" from visitors to the men's room. Word soon got around and after about 30 minutes the ladies decided to storm the gentlemen's bastion. Or rather the first-aid lady did. Ice was tried but didn't work either. Send for the ambulance!
When they got there Niagara was still flowing but the paras had some efficient plugs, until one fell out when they were getting me into this wheeled chair contraption. I think it had stopped by the time we were down in the ambulance. I can tell you it is embarrassing to have to go to hospital in one just for a nosebleed, not least because they wanted to know my age which was a closely guarded secret which even Indiana Jones wouldn't discover.
My blood pressure was high - I saw 165 on the monitor but they didn't tell me the readings - but my ECG was OK. (I like to think I am a guy with a good heart anyway.)
At the hospital it was, of course, all stop. Triage was within an hour I think but I didn't see a doctor until over 4 hours after the nosebleed started. There was nothing to do. They took my BP again and cauterised my nose, although I am certain it was the wrong nostril. I tried to say so but was told that they could see where the bleed was from.
So armed with a letter to my GP I had to get back to London Bridge station by what I think turned out to be an illegal taxi. Certainly there were no markings on it but it had responded to a call from another taxi I had approached but which was already booked.
End of story? Oh no. At noon the next day I had another so I rang NHS Direct which is an experience in itself. I am holding my nose over the sink with tissue stuffed up my nose and being asked twenty questions by someone who couldn't understand what I was saying. I could feel my BP getting higher. By far the most genius question was "Do you think the amount of blood you have lost would fill an average size mug?". How the hell do I know. I am pinching my nostrils to stop the blood coming out.
Anyway, they arrange for an outpatient's appointment for me at my local hospital. I was surprised to say the least it being a Saturday. The appointment was a couple of hours away though, or it was, but when I got there they were 90 minutes behind so I had to go home and come back. That doctor didn't take my BP I don't think but prescribed some cream to put up my nose. Rushing to the chemist before it closed was not conducive to lowering my BP and then the chemist could only fill half the prescription.
Now we get to some medical conflict. At the hospital on the Friday I was given a leaflet advising what to do in nosebleed situations. Head forward and pinching I knew. Do not pick the nose or put anything up it was common sense. No hot drinks for 24 hours was a shock - more later.
Friday - don't put anything up your nose. Saturday - put this cream up your nose twice a day. Let the prevailing advice prevail. I put the stuff up my nose. At 11 pm I had another nosebleed. This time NHS direct got a doctor to ring me back although by that time it had stopped. Once she had the full picture she told me not to by shy of ringing the hospital if one went over 20 or 30 minutes.
Sunday. I was due to go out to get a new microwave has mine had waved microing goodbye. Just as I was about to leave I got another one. this just lasted about 30 minutes so I just left it. Then at 10pm I had another. hen it got to 35 minutes I dialled 999 for the first time in my life. The operator had to refer my request before I was told one had been dispatched. By the time the para got there it had stopped so he just took my BP and made some notes. He advised me that unless it was actually gushing out I could wait up to an hour for it to stop next time. He had never heard of the cream I had been told to snort.
I made it to Monday with no more mishaps. I needed to get into my GP but to try and get through on the phone first thing on a Monday was as easy as Baldrick getting a first at Oxford and Cambridge at the same time. I knew what I had to do. The surgery opens at 8 am and you had to be first in the queue. I took a chance on walking it, hoping the cold would prevent another bleed. I got there at 7.40 am and was first but only just as a car pulled up in front of the surgery as I got there. By the time it opened there were about ten people behind me.
I had a book with me to while away the long wait but fortunately I got an 8.30 am slot. The doctor took my BP - which was still high - and read the letter. He put me down for blood tests and also a 24 hour BP monitoring. Eager to get this sorted I informed him of my Axa PPP status but he said we were still in the general practice area. Also, he knew about the nose cream and told me to use it and he also agreed an hour could be waited before seeking medical help.
NOTHING UP THE NOSE. CREAM UP THE NOSE. 20 MINUTES. 30 MINUTES. 60 MINUTES.
Do you want 50/50, ask the audience or phone a friend?
Fortunately, I have had no bleeds since then, touch wood - he said patting himself on the head. The blood tests were done this Friday, a week after the initial eruption, and the BP monitoring is not until 29th January.
The thing is so I am told, is that high BP does not create a nosebleed but it makes it worse because of the higher pressure. Therefore it is not the nosebleed per se that is being investigated but the BP. Now, in August 2013 I was off work with stress but conversely my BP was OK. In December after a nose infection it was higher around 140 and the doctor told me to go back in a month for a check-up. Two weeks later it was 163 / 165 and the highest 178 over 105 to 110. I struggle to understand what happened since August to make my blood boil so. Yet I am told it can be accumulative rather than one thing.
So the two cuplrits could be Manchester United foe their abject performances that leave me climbing the walls and YOU!. Metaphorically speaking that is. "YOU" meaning my non adoring public, staying away in droves from buying my very cheap books which I sweated blood on.
The year has only just started and I am already under pressure. And it could get worse. England may not win the World Cup.
Wednesday, 1 January 2014
THE WRITE STUFF?
The first day of a new year. Last year at this time I was still full of hope that my two books - newly issued as e-books - would launch my writing career. One year on it is demoralising how few people have wanted to read them.
How does one get discovered? Does one deserve to be discovered? The latter question is probably the most pertinent. The books are out there but are not being read. Is this because they are badly written, just don't appeal or is it just the fact that my marketing is poor. Let's face it, I couldn't sell an igloo to a wealthy but homeless Eskimo.
These attempts at blogging were a poor attempt to get things moving. This was suggested to me as one of the main ways to drum up interest but have not found the magic touch.
At this present time I am contemplating making an author's contribution to see "Trouble Cross" in print, which I feel now is a chance I have to take. This would then at least be marketed properly and may boost sales of "Rewind" also.
Yet, I fell I need to do something more. I am relying on past glories - if that is the right word. "Trouble Cross" was written during the period 1996/2000 and "Rewind" during 2000/2004. I haven't written anything new in ages and I think I need to do so. I have 4 projects I could start and two of these I have at least dabbled in already.
A new novel or kid's stories? Which should I pursue. I have set up pages with the rough first drafts of what I have written thus far - in effect two chapters on both.
It would be good to know which direction to take. Anyone wishing to leave a comment on which is best or the most appealing, please do, or if neither are worthy , none of the above will do.
Thanks. And best wishes to all for 2014.
How does one get discovered? Does one deserve to be discovered? The latter question is probably the most pertinent. The books are out there but are not being read. Is this because they are badly written, just don't appeal or is it just the fact that my marketing is poor. Let's face it, I couldn't sell an igloo to a wealthy but homeless Eskimo.
These attempts at blogging were a poor attempt to get things moving. This was suggested to me as one of the main ways to drum up interest but have not found the magic touch.
At this present time I am contemplating making an author's contribution to see "Trouble Cross" in print, which I feel now is a chance I have to take. This would then at least be marketed properly and may boost sales of "Rewind" also.
Yet, I fell I need to do something more. I am relying on past glories - if that is the right word. "Trouble Cross" was written during the period 1996/2000 and "Rewind" during 2000/2004. I haven't written anything new in ages and I think I need to do so. I have 4 projects I could start and two of these I have at least dabbled in already.
A new novel or kid's stories? Which should I pursue. I have set up pages with the rough first drafts of what I have written thus far - in effect two chapters on both.
It would be good to know which direction to take. Anyone wishing to leave a comment on which is best or the most appealing, please do, or if neither are worthy , none of the above will do.
Thanks. And best wishes to all for 2014.
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